Friday, July 06, 2007

The life and Times of Peanut foley

My name is Peanut and I’m Erin’s cat. Hi. I see Erin writing all the time so I wanted to try it. cats can do a lot of things. peeple don’t realize this. although, I always hear peeple say, “ cats are smarter than we think”. Like right now, she has no idea I’m on her laptop. mol. (meowing out loud)

there have been a lot of changes in my life over the past six weeks.

I moved 5 blocks down the road. moving really does a number on my head. and my fur. I think my coat was shinier on fountain avenue. anyway, my new muther moved in with her girlfriend monica. they are gay but I’m ok with that because my previous owner abandoned me and she was straight.

change is hard. not only did we move, but erin changed my litter 3 different times. I guess my shit does stink. I went from small sandy litter to an organic sod to trader joe’s, which smells like a pine tree. the organic stuff was the worst. even I felt horrible when I went to the bathroom. I heard monica complaining about it. monica is really tall and pretty but she doesn’t really like me. I know this because she said to erin “I don’t really like peanut.” Like I can’t hear. I think she’d rather have a dog. I think this because she always says “I’d rather have a dog.”

I guess Monica’s father is allergic to cats. That’s a real bummer because it would be fun to have more guys around the house. Although my muther is kind of like a dude. she watches sports all the time. right now she is watching the Yankees. I swear she watches them everyday. I basically have to hurl myself off the veranda for her to pay attention to me while they are on tv. Don’t tell her I wrote this but sometimes she wears a jerzey. It’s pathetic. she keeps saying that Derek jeter is her boyfriend. which is weird because she’s gay. although I think monica is gayer than erin because she watches the logo channel all the time. I like animal planet. my muther erin leaves it on for me so I can see my fellow animals. she is really good to me. Although when she calls me “her little angel of the morning” it’s embarrassing.

Sometimes I knock things off the counter or the desk or the bedside tabel or the dining room tabel or the sink or the fridge or the chair or the anything or the top of the bookshelf where they keep a lot of phramed photos. One time I knocked off a bottle of wine that was red and it smashed on the kitchen floor staining the tile. woops. I like knocking off things. it’s fun and it gets me attention.

although lately the attenshun is not that fun. erin raises her voice and squirts water in my face. she quirts it out a small pink bottle. it’s weird. I knock the glass off the table and then she quirts water in my face. But I knocked the glass off because I’m thirsty. so then I just lick the water off my face. It’s delecious.

I better sign off right now. I hear my muther erin getting out of the shower. she showers all the time because she writes jokes in the shower. some of them are funny. like the one about how monica works 50 hours a week and she stays home and writes jokes about muffins. next time I’ll write about how my last owner de-clawed me. One day we will meet again and I’ll stand on my de-clawed front paws and scratch her colored contacts out with my hind legs. I been practicing. “Hello. My name is Peanut Foley and you de-clawed my front paws. prepare to die. Hello my name is Peanut Foley and you de-clawed my front paws. prepare to die…

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